The Five Stages Of Grief
by teenage-dirtbag
Summary: Denial and isolation. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Watch Peyton and Nathan go through it, together.
1. Denial and Isolation

A/N: I'm still on my Nathan/Peyton phase until the next episode. So I made this piece! Hope you like it. :)

**The Five Stages of Grief**

**Chapter One: Denial and Isolation**

* * *

"Come on, Peyton!" Brooke knocked loudly, her tone desperate. Haley joined her, bringing a tray of food. She chewed on a carrot stick.

"Peyton!" Haley called out. "I have chicken here. Your favorite!"

Peyton perked up upon hearing the word chicken. She'd been living off cartons of ice cream and packs of potato chips for the past three days, all convenietly stashed underneath her bed. She'd go out when Brooke was asleep to get ice cream and the occasional bottle of beer. She considered opening the door, but then a framed picture of her and Lucas caught her eye. What was it still doing there? She grabbed a baseball bat and swung at it, the breaking glass making a sharp sound. She closed her eyes and went back to bed.

"What was that?" Haley panicked, knocking furiously at the door. "Peyton!"

"Another picture frame." Brooke answered. "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer!" she ordered. "You come out here right now or I swear I'll break your door down!"

Peyton felt for _An Unkindess of Ravens _on her bedside table. She wiped away a few tears as she read the dedication. "Go away Brooke," she called out, her voice breaking down. "Please."

Brooke frowned. She knew she couldn't do any more. "Come on, Hales. Let's save our strength for tomorrow."

"What, you're giving up just like that?" Haley questioned, refusing to move.

"She's reading Luke's book again." Brooke said sadly.

* * *

Nathan, seriously," Lucas knocked, with Skillz kicking the door beside him. "You have to go out. Jamie thinks his Daddy's been kidnapped by Nanny Carrie."

Nathan shook his head, his thoughts focused on his young son. He knew he couldn't go out and be a father to him, not right now. He wasn't ready. He looked at the wedding band atop his dresser. He dove back to bed.

"This is ridiculous man!" Skillz said, shouting. "You'll starve in there!"

"Nope, not really." Nathan answered, opening another bag of Doritos.

"You'll be so out of shape for the play-offs! Remember your NBA contract?" Lucas questioned, still tugging at the door knob.

"I'm good." Nathan glanced at the eliptical trainer. He'd even brought the plasma and DVD player in, with his wedding video on repeat.

"I can kick this door's ass, dude, you know that!" Skillz started banging on the door, his face grimacing at the pain.

"That's solid hardwood." Nathan warned. "Haley picked it out." He said to himself. He felt for the remote under the sheets and pressed play. Suddenly the images on the screen went to life; it was the part of his vows for Haley.

The voices filtered through the walls. "Let's go, Skillz." Lucas said, recognizing the words from the wedding video.

"We'll be back, Nate." Skillz banged for one last time before following Lucas.

* * *

Peyton's cellphone rang. She absentmindedly clicked 'recieve' and put the phone to her ears.

"Remember junior year?" The voice asked.

Peyton sighed, putting away the book. "Hi Nate."

Nathan hit pause and smiled.

* * *

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	2. Anger

A/N: Btw, this is set after _Hundred_. Enjoy! :)

**Chapter Two: Anger**

* * *

Owen groggily reached for the pillow on his feet. At seven in the morning, he was being woken by strange pounding sounds. At the back of his head, he hoped there weren't burglars. In his state, he dismissed them as construction guys fixing a loose floorboard somewhere. Brooke told him Peyton broke a few last week.

"What is that?" he asked, his voice muffled by the pillow. He kicked on Brooke to wake her up.

"That's just," Brooke mumbled, "ignore that. Go back to bed, sweetie."

"Are we being robbed?" Owen asked, getting up and rubbing his eyes. He reached for his pants and a glass globe on Brooke's bedside table.

"Go back to bed." Brooke said, hiding herself under the duvet. Owen opened the door and followed the sound, which seemed to come from Peyton's room. He raised the globe and kicked the door. He found Peyton, dressed in head-to-toe Nike, beating the crap out of a plastic dummy with an unrecognizable piece of paper stuck to its head.

"Did I wake you?" Peyton asked, kicking the torso of the plastic dummy. Owen put the globe down and backed away. "I just figured, you know, being holed up in my bedroom for so long, with a case of beer and a gallon of ice cream," she patted her belly, "not very good for the figure."

Owen nodded. He didn't know what to say. "I'll go back to, uh," he saw a rifle hidden under her bed, the tip of its barrel pointing out menacingly, "bye."

Peyton looked at the door for a few more seconds. Then she punched the head of the dummy.

Owen walked back to the bedroom, locking the door behind him. "I told you to ignore it." Brooke said, noticing the expression on his face. "She'll be making her protein shake in about an hour. We can go down once we hear the blender go off."

* * *

"Pull!"

Mouth rolled his eyes as he released another porcelain plate into the air. Nathan squinted his eyes and aimed at it, shooting at just the right moment to see the broken pieces fall to the ground. "Keep them coming, Mouth." he said, adding another shell. "I'm on a roll today."

"Aren't you running out of things to shoot?" Mouth asked, releasing another plate. He jumped at the sound of the shot.

"I think I still have our wedding wine glasses in storage." Nathan replied, surveying the area. He backed away, hitting a box with 'wedding china' written all over it.

"Wouldn't you rather sell these?" Mouth asked, putting a plate up.

"Not as much fun." Mouth threw another plate into the air, and Nathat hit it perfectly. "When I teach Jamie how to shoot--"

"Shoot?"

"Yeah. I want him to be really tough, you know, like me in high school. God knows what kind of sensetive crap Haley feeds my son." Nathan aimed his shotgun. "Let 'er rip!"

Mouth threw two plates simultaneously. Nathan took a step back and hit them both. Mouth looked at him, surprised. Suddenly, Nathan's phone rang, which caused Mouth to drop one of the plates on the ground. He looked at Nathan apologetically; Nathan shrugged it off.

"It's my divorce attorney," Nathan whispered, "this'll be a while."

* * *

Kanye West was playing loud in the background. Peyton raised her eyebrow, surprised, and dropped the box she was carrying on the table. Nathan walked in, carring a bottle of tequila.

"You know I hate this music." Peyton said, reaching for the bottle.

"Makes me feel bad-ass." Nathan answered. "Come on, the fireplace is blazing."

"You already put some pictures in, didn't you?" Peyton asked, putting the bottle of tequila in the box.

"I was missing a few logs." Nathan smirked.

"You know, Lucas really isn't that handsome." Peyton said, as she walked towards the sitting room. "He looks like a hamster. You know, all blond and squinty?"

"Huh," Nathan said thoughtfully, "come to think about it, Haley kind of looks like a rabbit. With her beady eyes and her teeth. Or a gopher. A beaver, even. What's the difference?"

"Who cares? It's not good for us to be with creatures of the wood." Peyton dropped the box, laughing.

Nathan looked at the fireplace. The remnants of the pictures he threw were now ashen and black amidst the burning coals. He smiled. "Damn straight, Sawyer."

* * *

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	3. Bargaining

**Chapter Three: Bargaining**

* * *

Peyton closed her eyes and took in the cold night breeze. She pressed play on her iPod, and one of the supposedly relaxing songs Brooke put into her music player gently reached a crescendo. She stopped herself from finding one of her more heavy metal music and pounding it into her ears until the pain drowned away, thinking that maybe this was the night that she can turn herself around.

"Hey," she heard someone say behind her, and she wished that she'd gone with the heavy metal after all. She gave herself a few seconds before turning around.

"Luke," she said softly.

"I was meaning to drop by," Lucas said, taking the seat beside her. "Brooke really wasn't helpful in telling me how you've been."

"Well, I'm glad to see hos over bros still stands." Peyton joked.

"How have you been?"

"I'm excellent." Peyton lied. "I'm thinking of handing Mia over to my old boss and going to college, you know? I mean, if I'm going to start my own label, I need to learn the trade."

"You've been in the trade for four years. You don't need college." Peyton bit her lip. She hated the way Lucas knew everything about her.

"Yeah, well it's better than here." Peyton looked away.

"Don't be like that." Lucas pleaded, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Did you ever think that this would happen to us?" Peyton asked, shaking his hand off. "That we would _not_ be together after all these years?"

"Honestly," Lucas admitted, "I didn't."

"You were supposed to marry me." Peyton said, wiping the tears that formed in the corner of her eyes. "With everything right now, you don't know how long I've stayed up in the night, waiting for you to call and say you love me."

"I do love you--"

"Then why did you say I do?"

"Because I can't be the person who says no to the love of their life."

"Right." Peyton said, getting up. "Because that wasn't _my_ ring you proposed to her with, and the name of _my _car on your second book."

"Peyton, please," Lucas said, following her. He took her arm and turned her around. She was crying now, so he wiped her tears away and kissed her gently. Peyton pulled back, then leaned in for a more passionate kiss. After a moment Lucas backed away, evidently confused.

"I'll call you in the morning," he said, not really knowing what to say, refraining himself from doing any more.

* * *

Nathan took a deep breath. He looked through the papers he had in his hands and rang the door bell. He was about to turn back when he heard the distinct sounds of high heels; he remembered how they woke him up in the morning as Haley would rush to work. She would smile down at him as he faintly reached out to her, and she would give him a small kiss as she took Jamie to Skillz's apartment.

"Nathan," Haley greeted, surprised. "Jamie's with Lucas. I left a message."

"I know," he said, looking inside. "I'm not here because of Jamie. May I come in?"

"Uh, sure." Haley scratched her head. "If this is about the divorce papers, I'm still looking through them--"

"This isn't about that."

"Well, okay, what is it about, then?" she asked.

"Here," Nathan handed her the papers. "My agent told me to write an article for this magazine, about my recovery and all. I need you to look over it. You know how much I suck in English."

Haley smiled at the recollection. "Sure. Give me a minute."

Nathan paced around nervously; he didn't know how Haley was going to react. It wasn't so much an article, it was more of what he wanted to say to her. He wrote about his marriage and how it was the rock that kept him grounded. He wrote about Jamie, and how he served as an inspiration to him. Finally, he wrote about Haley, how much he loved her, and how she was the light in his darkness. He wasn't very good with words; he was hoping the effort would be enough.

"Nathan," Haley said softly, looking at him. He looked concerned.

"I'm really sorry, Haley, for letting it come to this. But you know we've been through so much and I believe we can work through this." Nathan held her hands. "I love you."

"That's just it." Haley said, letting go of his hands. "We've been together for so long that I don't know if I work through every problem because I want to, or because that's what I've been doing. I need time to figure it out."

"Haley--"

"I love you, Nathan," Haley said, on the brink of tears. "But we need to figure this out apart."

"So, that's just it?" Nathan questioned.

"I'm done fighting." Haley breathed.

"Well I'm not done trying." Nathan said, walking out the door.

* * *

Peyton walked around the familiar grounds of Tree Hill high. She smiled at the feeling of nostalgia she got, and took in the surroundings as she headed towards the school gym. She saw a familiar figure sitting under one of the trees in the parking lot.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, laughing.

"Stalking Haley." Nathan answered straightforwardly. "You?"

"Uh," Peyton hesitated, "stalking Lucas?"

"They usually head out together," Nathan said. "Come on, this is a pretty good spot."

Peyton raised her eyebrows. "Pretty good spot? You do remember what this spot is, don't you?"

Nathan looked at her blankly. She motioned for him to stand up, and showed him a rough carving on the tree bark. "N.S. hearts P.S, huh?" Nathan looked at Peyton. "Didn't know you were that into me."

"You carved that!" Peyton said, hitting him playfully. "This was where I parked my car. And we'd cut Algebra--"

"--to make out. Right, I remember!" Nathan fingered the carving. He turned to her. "Do you ever wish you could go back?"

Peyton sighed. "Everyday."

* * *

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	4. Depression

**Chapter Four: Depression**

* * *

Peyton ate in silence as Brooke tried to comfort her with funny stories from LA. She would laugh along and nod occasionally, but mostly she'd be focused on trying to get the noodles around her fork. Brooke watched sadly as her best friend pretended to be alright.

"Do you want to see a movie?" Brooke asked, hoping to cheer Peyton up as she brought the take-out boxes to the trash can.

"Maybe tomorrow." Peyton replied distractedly as she toyed with the knobs of the stereo.

"I had Millicent buy us chocolate," Brooke said, waving expensive-looking bars in front of her. "Only one store in New York has these. I had them when I went to fashion week."

"That's great, Brooke."

"Peyton," Brooke said, holding Peyton's hands down and looking her in the eyes. The radio was on, with an upbeat pop song playing in the background. "Will we ever talk about this?"

"You know how it felt like losing Lucas Scott," Peyton answered, her voice wavering. "You tell me."

"Yeah, and it helped talking about it." Peyton raised her eyebrows. "Okay, it helped spreading rumors that Lucas was a transvestite and you had VD, but it's close enough."

Peyton chuckled lightly. "What are we doing here, Brooke? It was a mistake going back."

"Hey, this is our home," Brooke comforted, "before Lucas ever came into your life it was already home. You had me and Nathan and your dad. That was enough."

"I've been in love with him for so long, I don't know how I'm supposed to act about this." Peyton said dejectedly.

"I'm here, sweetie." Brooke rubbed Peyton's arm in support. Suddenly, a slow, sentimental ballad by Boyz II Men started playing on the radio.

"I hate this music!" Peyton said, breaking down. Brooke took her in her arms, stroking her hair. She turned the radio down, but didn't turn it off. When it came to losing Lucas Scott, sometimes the best remedy was tears.

* * *

"You know man, sometimes I think it would have been better if I hadn't met Haley," Nathan said, taking another sip of scotch. Lucas looked at him concernedly; he'd already finished a fourth of the bottle.

"You mean if you'd stayed an arrogant asshole?" Lucas joked.

"Very funny," Nathan poked him in the chest. "Yeah, I would've made MVP, went to Duke, married a super model when I hit the big time in the NBA," Nathan sighed, "I'd be living the kind of life Dan wanted to live."

"We all know where Dan is now." Lucas said bitterly.

"Enough of the past," Nathan waved, "more scotch."

"I think that's enough." Lucas said, getting the bottle away from him. Nathan was too weak to argue.

"What about Jamie, man? I can't even begin to imagine what this is doing to him." Nathan confided.

"You're a good dad, Nate, that's all that matters." Lucas answered.

"I love my son," Nathan said, leaning into his hands. "I love my wife! I love _you_, man." Nathan put his arm around Lucas' shoulder. "You're my brother. I love you, man."

Lucas bit his tongue to stop himself from laughing. "I love you too, man," he said, patting Nathan on the back.

"Can you write a book to make Haley come back to me?" Nathan asked. "I mean, that first book was wicked, man, it made Peyton Sawyer and Brooke Davis come back to Tree Hill!"

"Uh-huh." Lucas nodded.

"Can you believe we both hit that? We really are bros!" Nathan laughed. After a moment, he frowned again. "Dammit, I miss Haley."

"I know, Nate," Lucas replied.

"So what about that book?" Nathan asked.

"I'll tell you what," Lucas said, as he stood up to get Nathan a cup of coffee, "I'll teach you how to write it yourself."

* * *

Brooke opened the front door and smiled to see it was Nathan. She gave him a friendly hug. "You okay?"

"I've been better," Nathan answered. "She asleep?"

"No, go right ahead," Brooke stepped aside. "I'll be in my room if you need me."

Nathan walked up the stairs quietly. He found his way towards Peyton's room. He opened the door gently, and saw that the room was bathed in total darkness, with the long streaks of moonlight hitting where they may. He saw a figure on the bed, and he closed the door behind him. "Peyton?"

Peyton looked up to see the distinct figure of Nathan Scott standing near her bed. "Hey, Nate," she greeted, her voice breaking. Nathan took off his shoes and got into bed with her, holding her. Peyton stopped crying.

"You do know it's going to be alright, right?" Nathan whispered, looking down at her. Peyton gave him a watery smile and nodded. He kissed her on the forehead and she believed that it really was going to be.

* * *

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**

* * *


	5. Acceptance

A/N: Ignoring the new episode of One Tree Hill, this is the last chapter of my little fic. THANK YOU so so much to those who reviewed; you guys are super! :) Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Five: Acceptance**

* * *

Peyton threw her sketchpad on the nearest table and jogged up to the door after hearing the doorbell. She opened the door and found Lucas, shifting his feet nervously, surprised at seeing her answer the door. She smiled at him, clenching the doorknob just a little bit tighter.

"Lucas," Peyton said, touching her hair self-consciously.

"Peyton," he answered, almost disbelievingly. His head is still bent towards the ground as he tries to think of something to say to her.

"You_ can _look at me, you know." Peyton catches his stare, and he laughs it off.

"I just, after that night--"

"You never did call me."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Lucas admitted. He watches her, and he notices the little things that changed. Her stance was guarded and stiff, but her eyes were smiling and warm. He noticed the lead marks on her thumb; she was drawing again. The way he described her in both of his books, he realizes, did not do her enough justice. "And I'm sorry about all of the other things too."

"Well, we _are_ experts of getting over each other." Peyton joked.

Lucas was silent. "Not really."

"Not if you keep writing about me." Peyton replied before she could stop herself. It almost seemed natural.

"Not if you keep drawing _me_." Lucas answered, and before they know it they settle into a comfortable laugh. They remembered how it was being friends; but then they knew that they would always be more than that.

"So, what brings you here?"

"Haley here by any chance?" Lucas asked, peering inside.

"Sorry," Peyton shrugged. "Try the school."

"I will." Lucas was about to head to his car when he turned around. "It was great seeing you, Peyton."

"Always a pleasure, Luke." Peyton waved.

Lucas nodded and got into his car, backing out on the driveway of the Davis-Sawyer house. He stepped on the break when he saw Peyton running out on the porch barefoot. "Luke!" she called out.

"Yeah?"

"Whoever said I was drawing you?" Peyton said, her tone slightly mischievous, and before Lucas could say anything else, she ran into the house. She closed the door, leaning on the wooden frame. It still hurt, but she no longer felt the need to curl up into a ball and lock herself in her room. She returned to the couch to finish her drawing, grasping for the new box of expensive colored pencils Nathan used to bribe her out of her room.

* * *

"Hey," Nathan greeted as he stepped inside the tutor center. The place had changed dramatically; the shelves were higher and a new color of paint was coated on the old walls but the windows were still the same, and he vaguely recalled how the light hit certain parts of the old chairs as he spaced out on Haley's lengthy lectures about Shakespeare. He opened a big dictionary and started scanning the entries.

"Nathan," Haley said, stacking a pile of folders. He turned to look at her. "What are you doing here?" She turned around and tried to be busy for a little while longer; her, Nathan and the tutor center brought back memories.

"I need to talk to you about Jamie." Nathan took a seat in one of the chairs near the door. He remembered where he always used to sit with Haley.

Haley dropped the folders. "What happened?"

"No," Nathan said, calming Haley down, "nothing happened. I'm just here to tell you that I'm training with the team again."

Haley breathed a sigh of relief and sat down beside him. "That's great, Nathan."

"And I'm going to have to leave once we tour for the season. So, are you going to be alright with that? 'Cause I can ask Peyton--"

"Of course I'm going to be fine with that." Haley assured.

"You'll talk to him?" Nathan asked.

"Jamie knows his dad's a basketball stud." Haley smiled.

"You're the best, Haley."

"Remember this place?" Haley suddenly said, not really sure why she said it.

"How could I forget?" Nathan answered. "You remember under that table?" he said, pointing to one of the tables placed beside the shelves.

Haley rolled her eyes. "How could I forget." she looked around, then at Nathan. "Good times."

"Yeah," Nathan said, touching the exterior of the new tables. It felt smooth, not texture he was used to after hours of slamming books and writing on paper. "It was a long time ago."

Haley smiled sadly. "I should go. I have a PTA meeting."

"And I have to practice my free throws." Nathan stood up with her. "I'll be seeing you, Hales."

"Good luck." Haley said, touching his arm before leaving the room.

Nathan looked around again. He never really noticed how bare the old tutor center was; the new room was filed with maps. atlases and models of the human body. He felt a kind of longing, yet seeing the place stand so ornate and proud filled him with hope. He closed the dictionary before exiting the door.

* * *

"Okay, somebody needs to tell me what is going on here." Brooke marched into Nathan's bedroom. Haley kept their old beach house, which was closer to the school, and Nathan kept their house, which had an indoor gym. "Peyton did not go home last night. I called Lucas. I called Haley. God, I even called Jake!"

"Calm down, Brooke." Nathan said, sitting down on the bed.

"I have been calling you for the past five hours!"

"I think my phone fell into the pool." Nathan tried to stifle his laughter.

"And you can't buy another one?" Brooke questioned. "If I find out that Peyton's off gallivanting for Lucas, I am personally going to manhandle your brother--"

"Nathan, could you hand me a towel please?" A familiar voice asked inside the bathroom. Brooke's eyes were wide in shock as she pointed repeatedly towards the bathroom.

"Oh no you didn't." Brooke asked with a curious expression. Nathan winked at her. He got a white towel from the closet and made his way towards the bathroom.

"Right here, babe." Nathan said as he handed the towel. Brooke was covering her mouth.

"Babe?" The voice scoffed. "What is this, high school?"

"That's exactly what this is!" Brooke squealed excitedly. Peyton almost dropped her towel.

"No, Brooke, this isn't what it looks like--"

"What, you mean you showering in Nathan Scott's bathroom with Nathan Scott's towel around the body that Nathan Scott--"

"We were painting Jamie's room, Brooke." Nathan answered, walking towards the dresser to get Peyton a bathrobe.

"But you didn't go home last night!"

Peyton picked out a lock of her hair that was still blue. "Painting."

"Um, hello, I was calling you?" Brooke exclaimed.

"I think it, uh, fell in the pool." Peyton answered sheepishly. Nathan laughed.

"The pool, huh?" Brooke chuckled lightly. "Do you have any idea how scared I was? After that phase you went through with Lucas?"

"I'm sorry," Peyton put her hand on Brooke's shoulder, "mom."

"Good." Brooke said, crossing her arms. "Anyway, what happened in the pool?"

Nathan and Peyton looked at each other. "I'm going to get more paint in the store." Peyton said, walking out the door. Brooke raised her eyebrows at Nathan.

"I guess I have to get used to your kind of people sometime. You can ask my publicist." Nathan answered smoothly. "That sound Hollywood enough?" he smirked. Brooke threw a pillow at him and walked out. She found the phones in the pool five minutes later, along with something else that caught her eye near the pool steps. She marched back inside, a grin on her face.


End file.
